Taking a break from the blog today! I'm
kind of creatively and emotionally spent. I've thought on it and I think I want to reserve 2 break days a month. I won't necessarily use them every month, but I think it will help me to know that I have them there.
I'm also committing to removing softeners like "kind of", "a bit", and "I think" from my words as much as possible. I've spent my whole life trying too hard to present myself as a likable person. Part of that is softening what I say so that I'm less likely to be challenged or attacked or seen as too assertive.
I think there's a gender aspect to that, certainly, but it's also part of my personality. I've always sort of longed for acknowledgment. Anyway, for the time being I'm going to leave the words in but strike them out. I want to see clearly—and have it be clearly seen—how often I do this. I don't think I'm not the only person with this problem. If I just remove the words during editing, I don't think it will it won't solve the problem. This is my digital rubber band around my wrist. This is even going to apply to my Twitter!! I can't strikethrough words there, so if I catch myself doing it, I'll reply to myself:
I need to stop this. I'm not being honest with myself. I'm downplaying my own achievements and thoughts, yes, but on some level I'm also manipulating others to not disagree with me by always taking a "soft" stance. It's always giving myself an out.
I think it would be better if I just...say what I think and apologize if I'm wrong. It's also redundant. Of course this is what "I think"!! They're my words!
Okay I ended up talking so much that this became a regular blog entry, albeit on the short side, and so I gave it a word. You wouldn't believe how often I've done this since the advent of this blog. "Oh no I have nothing to say—JUST KIDDING" The hardest part is just getting started. Always.
P.S. The new chapter of Tremolo came out today so give it a look-see maybe? I managed to describe that cavern.
With no rollover, haha. ↩︎