Today after work, I spent time with my friend Sarah just eating good food and talking. We've both had a pretty stressful week for similar but unrelated reasons, so it was nice to just catch up and get on the same page again. While I was going on one of my usual imposter syndrome pity parties, she said something that really stuck with me, a quote that she'd seen recently:
Luck is just where preparedness and opportunity intersect.
I absolutely love this. I want to write it down and hang it up on my corkboard.
It's easy to dismiss yourself and envy others by saying "They're luckier than me" but it's just that those people worked hard and were able to take the opportunities that came to them. I've definitely had big opportunities pass me by because I wasn't prepared to take them at those times. I regret some of those because I could have done better. I've also been very prepared for things, but then the opportunities just never open up for me. But better the latter than the former. Opportunities are not within my control. I can't get companies to fire their current writers or create new positions just for me. However, I can work on myself and make sure that I'm ready for when opportunity comes knocking.
I remember the last time a writing position opened up at a game company I like, they required an English degree. I don't have one. I'm not going to be able to get one. That's something I can't really help... Yes, technically I can go back to school and get another bachelor's degree, but I don't think that would be worth it at the end of the day. So with just the psychology degree I've got to improve myself as much as I can in other areas. Beef up my portfolio. Make connections. Get out there and just write more. I can't neglect things like networking and dutifully updating my social media.
I'm going to be just fine. I'm going to keep working hard and honing my craft. I am a better writer today than I was yesterday. I'll be a better one tomorrow.
My inner demon whispers to me: you're weak. you can't do it. you're all alone in this world and you will die a nameless failure.
I accept that demon. It's a demon of fear, anxiety. It's the me who has been rejected, stepped on, and hurt. It's the me who is afraid of change, afraid of risking my heart again. But I accept it. I don't want to reject it because if I'm not afraid, it means I don't care. And I do care, I really care. So it's okay that I think those things. It's okay that I have those days where all I want to do is relax and hide away from all that external stimuli. Because I'll make peace with that demon and I'll rise again the next day.
I hope that wherever you are right now in your life's journey, whatever your hopes and dreams, that you can make peace with your demons, too.
With a hefty side of student loan debt! Hooray! ↩︎