Oh gosh, I had a full day today! There will be lots of pictures for a change.

1

I spent some time filling in my planner today. There's a section where I can list my goals for every month. I don't want to plan my life to that extent, so I settled for drafting a list of August goals, most of which revolve around the TExES exam.

2

Today was a nice date day. My boyfriend and I went to breakfast together before heading to the Japanese arcade where we promptly spent way too many credits on the crane machine games. After spending way too many credits, one of the employees took pity on us and made this Rilakkuma easier to get, so at least we didn't walk away with nothing. Last time we were here, though, we spent less money and got two plushies, so... You win some, you lose some, I guess! It was still a lot of fun. We got to play a lot of Pop'n Music and Taiko no Tatsujin, which is really what matters most to me when going to the arcade.

3

We had some downtime at a café after that. He's been reading Fahrenheit 451[1], so he continued with that, occasionally pausing to comment on how poetic Bradbury's prose is. I continued working on my knitting.

4

I still drop some stitches here and there or make other sorts of mistakes, but overall I've got the rhythm and process of this particular pattern down. It's really coming together. I'm about 20% done with it, which is exciting! I need to work a little faster to finish on time, though. I've got a lot of off days coming up, so this will be my focus then.

5

This evening after getting home, I started going through my TExES study guide in earnest...and I'm so glad that I didn't decide to just take the test cold turkey. There's so much about middle school mathematics that I don't remember. Like what the heck is an irrational number? I get it now, of course, but there's a lot of terms and names of rules that I don't remember. The book itself recommends 6 weeks of study/practice before taking the exam, but given that I actually know the information and just need a refresher, I'm going to try to do it in 3 or less.

I decided to do a Tessera spread focusing on the word study to get some clarity. First off, the fact that I drew only creature charms gives me the vibe that I need to stop overthinking things and rely more on my animal instincts. It's a pretty clear message. In the past, I've struggled with studying because I feared failure, I feared having to confront the reality that I'm not as intelligent as I think (or worse—as others think). However, my time away from school (via my job, game development, etc) has taught me more about myself and what's important to me. I'm more invested in studying now because it's towards an end goal that I truly want to achieve. If I continue along this path, drawing energy from others and letting myself be accountable and available, I will grow even further beyond where I am now.

It's up to me to put in the effort. I've got to do these math problems and remember all these terms and confront my long struggles with geometry. But something wonderful's going to be waiting for me on the other side.


  1. He is systematically going through classic literature he's never read. At present, he's reading dystopias, so he's already gone through 1984 and Brave New World. ↩︎