I have to admit that I've been getting very distracted by Octopath Traveler in a way I wasn't expecting. It's been a long time since I've played a game that affected me so much. The storytelling and gameplay are so good. This thing has completely sucked me in. I love that everyone in the world got this game at the same time because the whole world is experiencing this game together. There's not 394247 walkthroughs on GameFAQs that people already made based on the Japanese version that released a year ago. We're all playing it together in real-time, finding all the funny quotes, sharing our experiences. It's magical.

Updates here might be more sporadic for the time being. You're not missing much. I feel that most of my thoughts right now are "OCTOPATH IS SO GREAT" or "AM I DONE WITH THIS THING YET? I WANNA PLAY MORE OCTOPATH" or something along those lines. I haven't been doing my morning pages, either, but I want to start on that again.

A lot of it is because I'm feeling this increasingly mind-numbing anxiety about the Opportunity That Knocked, I Answered, But Opportunity Hasn't Called Me Back. I need anything to get that off my mind.

The future is scary. That's what I think when it's dark and I have too much free time.

What am I going to be doing a year from now? Five years from now? I still don't know. And all that rhetoric like "Beyoncé didn't make it big until she was 30! Live life at your own pace!" is nice and all, but rhetoric doesn't (usually) pay the bills[1].

I watched Sorry to Bother You at the theater tonight and it was like a punch in the face[2]. It came down to that or the documentary about the triplets but I'm so glad we went with this. It was a wonderful movie. It was a movie that was hard to watch, but so stylish and beautiful and alive. It was terrifying. It got more and more surreal and is just a scary tale about how much we as a society are willing to overlook. It's scary because it seems so absurd and dystopian and absurdly dystopian, but it's really just one step away from where we are right now.

The movie shows our future.

That future is scary. Two or three of the previews before the film were for movies that focus on Black Lives Matter and police brutality. Hollywood is finally catching up with our reality[3]. What I'm saying is that the present is plenty scary, too.

I'm just one person and I'm doing everything I can to live and not feel regret over my actions and inactions. We're all fighting in our own way. Sometimes I feel less like I'm fighting and more like I'm trying to outrun something. A feeling. Death. Shame. Who knows. I hope I can get far enough away. I hope you can. That's all any of us can really do.

  1. It can be argued that I am working hard right now in order to get my rhetoric to pay the bills. But it's not yet. ↩︎

  2. Which is a funny thing to say considering what happens in the movie. ↩︎

  3. Makes sense. Hollywood is reactionary and it takes time to react. ↩︎