Since TOTHBGMHKA[1] is still taking its sweet time in knocking on my door again—and may never do so—I decided to unpause the rest of my life and schedule an appointment to talk about becoming a teacher. I did fill out an application and everything, so now it comes to whether or not they want to let me into the program. My GPA in college was not great so I'd better do my best on the exams, haha...

I had to go home early from work today due to terrible stomach problems, then spent the rest of my day vacillating between bed and the bathroom. I feel better rested now, but I still have to face tomorrow and who knows what that will bring? I wonder if anxiety over my appointment tomorrow triggered some kind of physical response.

I did a Tessera spread to try and sort out my feelings about my life right now and got (that is, interpreted) a nice message I'd like to share with everyone.

I made it through many obstacles (The Frog) that stood in my way, even when I was feeling depressed and at the pit of despair. I've changed because of those, but it's for the best. I need not be held back any longer. Right now I've been given a great opportunity (The Dawn) and it will require hard work and courage on my part to take it. The courage, the desire to teach that I had before was obscured (The Lantern) by TOTHBGMHKA but I'm feeling more myself again. I just need time (The Hourglass) and eventually I'll be all right. It's so easy to withdraw when I'm depressed, but then I become an echo chamber of negativity for myself. By allowing myself to remain part of a community, I take on the strength of that community. I need to surround myself with people who are positive influences and then my future will be bright (The Hive)[2].

That's pinpointed more towards what I'm experiencing right now, but I think those are sentiments for everyone. July was a hard month, but we're well into the second half of the year now. I want to be able to finish out 2018 with no regrets and that starts today, right now with every action I take.

  1. The opportunity that has been giving me high key anxiety ↩︎

  2. It was a Crown spread focusing on past-present-future. I drew The Frog for the past, The Dawn for the present, and The Hive for the future. I then pulled two more charms to illuminate the relationship between the past and future (The Hourglass) and to better understand where I'm at in the present (The Lantern). ↩︎